Days 16-18 : Summertime Sadness (Part One)

Thursday 12 to Saturday 14 June 2014

Notwithstanding that I’ve not done much actual ‘travelling’ over the past few days, and that in effect my time at Lisa’s house is broadly similar to what my time would have been had I been at home, this (from my arrival in Chile) is now by some way the longest period I’ve ever spent travelling without going home. I guess it’s only natural that I should feel a bit introspective at this point, albeit that it’s not because I’ve been travelling so long that I get into those little moodswings.

It’s hard to explain how I feel; it’s something that’s present in my life all the time, even when I’m at home and going to work each day. Mundanity, nor the lack of it, doesn’t change my mood, at least not as far as I can tell. What can set me off down the road of depressive apathy could be something as simple as someone else’s reaction to something, or a word or two I read on a website, or even just hearing a snatch of music. It rarely lasts that long (a couple of days max) but if I let it hit, then it makes me quite moody and lethargic. One of the effects is that I end up not doing anywhere near as much writing or admin as I need/want to, and I just sit there idly clicking between internet tabs, almost in effect waiting for something to happen.

And I suppose not doing much doesn’t help matters – even though it’s good to rest awhile sometimes, it makes it easy for me to fall into my natural state of laziness and procrastination (which must be separated from the above. Sometimes I don’t do anything because I don’t feel I can, other times I don’t do anything because I’s easier not to).
This is why I think I’ll never make it as any kind of paid author or travel writer; I’m simply too lazy, even when I’m in my creative moods. There’s a whole host of writings that I think I should have written, that I had planned to write, but which have never (and probably will never) be done. And that in itself frustrates me and makes me feel, I dunno, like I’m just not good enough to be doing that sort of thing anyway.
And I look at other people’s blogs and they’re much more interesting, much more in-depth, much better written. It’s about “them”, not about what they do so much as how they ‘feel’. And part of my problem is that my general lack of emotion about ‘stuff’ makes it quite hard for me to be emotional in my writing; this makes my travel writing I think quite ‘dull’? Also maybe it’s why I prefer to write fiction – because I’m then one step removed from the process. But again, that requires me to, ya know, sit down and get down to writing it.

I guess it’s easier while I’m on the move, because I only have a small amount of time to get things done; when I’m in one place for an extended period, I kind of ‘think ahead’, and knowing I have several days to do stuff, I mentally ‘put things off’. Definitely I work to strict deadlines, but not ones I set myself because I know they’re flexible.

I also get easily distracted; always have; partly I can’t concentrate (or even do) anything for long periods of time – which is the main reason I don’t watch movies – but partly also cos mentally I always need to have something elsein my mind, something shiny and new, to do every so often else I get bored of doing the same thing for long periods. Where ‘long’ means maybe not much more than an hour (though that does depend on what it is I’m doing and how much I was looking forward to doing it).
(As a side note, this is why my trip has been plotted out the way it has, with lots of countries for a very short time rather than lots of time in a small number of countries. I always need to move on before I get bored of a place, maybe 3 or 4 days In any given town. Some people say that’s far too short to really get to know a place, but my point is that I don’t want to get to know it, I just want a flavour and the I want to move onto the next one. Tapas travel, not 3-course-meal travel).

I’m not sure what the point of this entry is, aside from simply getting it written down. I do have more in my head, around people, around maintaining relationships with friends etc, but I really need to work out what I want to say on that before I write it.

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As for what I’ve actually done; well Thursday I didn’t even leave the house as I was catching up a bit on ‘admin’ (much of which I’ve done, much of which I’ve still to do, despite having ample time to do it, as per above); Friday we went to Maroochydore to have food and a drink (the drink being a peanut-butter chocolate couverture shake thing at a chocolate café, the food being a fab healthy-ish chicken burger with brie), and today we took a road trip to the Southern Sunshine Coast resort town of Caloundra to meet with Lisa’s friend Anita.

Tonight is pizza to celebrate Lisa’s Birthday.

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